Thor's Driving Disaster
by MK123
Summary: Two insaneness in which Loki decided it was best if Thor never drove again. Or rather why Loki is always accompanying Thor in the myths.


Loki tucked one leg under his body as he watched the swans land in the lake before him. Reaching up he lazily picked an apple off a branch and took a bite. The sudden sound of the war horn ringing out nearly made him lose his balance. He quickly grabbed the branch he had been sitting on and watched as the swans took off in alarm. His heart slowed and he easily climbed out of the apple tree the apple held in his mouth. Loki took another bite and quickly made his way out of Idun's garden. As he neared Odin's hall he watched as the Aesir gathered around Odin. His blood brother was dressed for war, his children and the nine Valkyries gathered around.

Loki sided up to the group listening as Odin explained that there was trouble in Midgard. Tyr grinned nodding in his eagerness to fight, his sword in one hand and his shield in the other, while Freya and her twin brother Freyr stood calmly nearby.

"We get it, Odin" she remarked looking up from cleaning her fingernails with a knife. "We go to Midgard. We wait till you see who should win. We crack a few heads. The Valkyries gather a few souls and we return here to split the souls."

"We have this discussion every time we do this," Tyr added. "Please can we go now Father?"

"I'm repeating the rules because Thor is coming with us this time," Odin said.

"You sure that's a good idea," Freyr asked.

"How is he going to get there," Tyr queried. "We don't have any spare horses."

"I gave him a chariot," Odin reassured them. "I am sure he will behave admirably."

"Can he drive," one of the Valkyries asked.

Odin furrowed his brow, "Um, he can ride a horse."

"A chariot is a totally different thing," Freya argued.

"That's why Loki's here," Odin said quickly looking around. "He can give Thor a quick little lesson, right brother?"

Loki rolled his eyes, "Right brother, but if you don't have a spare horse then what is attached to Thor's chariot?"

"Um, goats," Odin said.

"Goats," Loki repeated as suddenly there was a loud racket coming from the stables.

"Whoa, halt, stop!" They all spun around and saw two large goats with steam blowing out of their nostrils bearing down at them. Tyr grabbed his horse's reins and pulled it out of the way. Freya and Freyr backed out of the path, while Odin jumped up on to the railing of the hall. Loki shot straight into the air and stood in the air as Thor came rushing by.

"I'll get him," Loki called back. "Meet you on Midgard." He flew off and landed awkwardly in the speeding chariot by Thor.

"Hey Loki," Thor said tuning to look at him. Loki shoved his head back towards the road.

"Keep your eyes on the road, Thor. Can you slow down?"

"If I could do you think I would be speeding through Asgard like this if I could get them to slow down?"

"Gods," Loki muttered. "Keep you shirt on. I had to ask. What are the goats' names?"

"I don't know."

Loki looked ahead his eyes widened and quickly shouted, "Heimdell open the gate, runaway chariot!"

The gatekeeper looked up, his eyes widened as well and he quickly flung open the gates as the goats pulled them past him.

"Thor give me the reins," Loki ordered.

"No I can do this," Thor argued giving the reins a little flick. The goats speeded up, the rainbow beneath their hooves vibrated violently. Loki tightened his grip on the railing.

"Thor for the last time give me the reins," Loki pleaded.

Finally Thor reluctantly handed them over and Loki gently pulled on the pieces of leather. The goats ignored the instructions and kept running. They were no longer on the Bifrost but instead in the air above Midgard. Loki half wished he could enjoy the view but they were going too fast and was that a flock of ducks ahead.?

"Nice goats, good goats," Loki muttered soothingly. "If you slow down and land I will give you apples."

The goats slowed down a bit. "Good goats, nice goats. You two are such good goats. Now slow down," Loki pulled on the reins a little harder and they slowed to a trot dropping lower in the air so the ducks flew right above them. Loki breathed a sigh of relief and tugged once. Finally the goats stopped landing on a hill right under a tall tree. Loki shoved his wild red hair out of his eyes and heaved a deep sigh of relief.

"Thank you Uncle Loki," Thor said, "but I think I can handle them now." He reached out to take the reins again, it was then that they heard the clash of metal and he paused in mid-reach.

"Is that a battle I hear," Thor asked.

"Yes, your father is over there," Loki replied keeping a tight grip on the reins. "Why don't you go fight in the battle and I'll stay and watch the goats. Hmm?"

"Good idea Uncle. You stay here; I'm going to bash in a few heads."

Thor hefted Mjollnir and ran off as Loki heaved a sigh of relief and shakily stepped off the chariot. He tied the reins to a low tree branch and opened his shoulder bag. He pulled out two apples and went over to the goats. Carefully he handed one apple to each goat and let them sniff at him.

"Here you go apples just like I promised. Now what are your names, hmm?" Loki reached out and checked the goat on the right's harness. "I guess you're Tanngrisni." He read the second name off the other harness, "And that would make you Tanngnost."

He rubbed them between their horns and muttered soothingly, "Now will you be good little goats and listen to me. We need to get home you know." They snorted and lipped at his shirt. "No eating my shirt," Loki reprimanded gently. "There is plenty if grass here for you to munch on." Obediently Tanngrisni and Tanngnost dropped their heads and began to tear up grass.

"Good boys," Loki murmured. He left them on the hill and made his way towards the battle field to watch.

Three hours latter the battle was over and the Valkyries had gathered a bundle of souls and were getting ready to leave.

Odin was on his tall stallion, Windchaser, organizing the Aesir for the return to Asgard. The mortals who were left were bowing and offering gifts in thanks for their help.

"Loki," Odin exclaimed when he say me. "I see you and Thor made it here safely."

"We barely made it," Loki replied as Thor approached grinning widely.

"We should do this again Father. The battle was marvelous," he boomed.

"Let's not and say we did," Loki muttered.

"We shall my son," Odin promised slapping Thor on the back.

"Loki shall we head back now," Thor asked.

"Yes," Loki answered, "but I'm driving."

"I can do that," Thor argued.

Loki pursed his lips and shook his head. "You must be so tired after that fight. If I drive you can get some rest while I take the chariot back home. If you rest now you won't fall asleep at the feast tonight."

"Very well Uncle Loki you may drive, but just this once." Thor headed up the hill still swinging Mjollnir around in a tight circle by the strap. "After all the chariot is mine."

"The chariot may be yours nephew," Loki muttered, "but Tanngrisni and Tanngnost listen to me."

xXx

Latter during the feast that night Bragi stood up and sang his newest song:

Dashing through Asgard,

In a runaway chariot,

Over the Bifrost they went,

Screaming all the way,

The goats were really mad,

We feared Thor might be dead,

Or at least returning with a migraine in his head.

Thor blushed in embarrassment as Loki laughed along with the song. "Uncle would you be quiet," he growled under his breath. His brother Balder just clasped his arm and said that he must be so honored to have a song written for him and at such a young age.

Loki gave Thor a grin and the next time Thor went driving he had to take Loki along for Tanngrisni and Tanngnost wouldn't listen to him after he almost killed the three of them by nearly flying into a mountain.

**Year 2013**

Loki gripped tightly to the door handle as the truck skidded down the street and into the opposite lane. "Right, right," he shrieked as another truck bore down on them. He let go of the door handle and wrestled the steering wheel out of Thor's hands, causing them to just barely miss the oncoming vehicle.

"Loki calm down," Thor said jovially removing Loki's hands from the wheel. "We are off on another adventure. You should be happy. We are all free and alive again."

"And I'd like to stay alive if you don't mind," Loki snapped grabbing the wheel again as Thor removed his own hands to gesture in the air.

"Loki calm down. By the Nine Uncle, you need to relax. I am perfectly capable of driving the chariot on my own."

"It's called a car, Thor," Loki said, "and you have never been able to drive anything in you life without my help."

"Only because you turned Tanngrisni and Tanngnost against me."

"Well maybe if you didn't kill, eat, then resurrect them they would like you better," Loki pointed out. His eyes fixed firmly on the dirt road before them. "Keep you eyes on the road, why don't you."

"Calm down Loki this is cake," Thor said beaming as they reached the town limits. He fumbled for the gears as he slowed down in front of the general store. They came to a jerky stop and Loki let out a huge sigh of relief. Slowly he pried his fingers away from the door handle, leaving behind an imprint of his hand. Suddenly the truck shot forward a foot before Thor slammed on the breaks. Loki was overly glad for seatbelts at that moment. He glanced at the gears and groaned.

"Thor R stands for reverse, as in going backwards. P is for park."

"Sorry, but we are here and in all one piece. See I told you I could drive without your help," He said throwing his door open and getting out of the truck. He pocketed the keys and headed inside. Loki followed and slipped his thin hand into Thor's pocket once Thor was busy picking out watermelon. Carefully he removed the keys and slipped them into his own pocket. There was no way Thor was driving back home.

He glanced over at the raven at the window of the shop and mouthed, "I told you so Odin." The raven dipped its head in acknowledgement and flew off.

"Uncle what else is on the list," Thor asked as he placed three massive watermelons in the cart.

Loki pulled out the list and scanned it, "We need some more cereal, two gallons of milk, flour, cornmeal, twenty pounds of meat, fish if they have some and potatoes."

"Alright," Thor exclaimed as he headed off with the cart and nearly ran into two people and a stack of cans at the end of the nearest isle.

"Thor, watch out," Loki yelped as he shoved the list into his pocket and ran after his wayward nephew, grabbing the end of the cart and holding it still. "Why don't you do the exiting part and pick up the groceries Thor. I'll do the hard part and push the cart."

His brow furrowed then he nodded and relinquished the cart over to Loki as he ran off down the isles grapping what was needed. Loki followed behind him at a slower pace till they finally reached the checkout counter where Loki paid for the food then had Thor help him carry the bags out to the truck.

Loki opened the back door of the truck and Thor put the bags down before he realized Loki was in the driver's seat with the keys already in the vehicle. "Loki," he protested.

"Sorry Thor," Loki said unsympathetically but the first person in the car gets to drive."

"You just made that rule up," Thor said sullenly getting into the passenger's seat.

"Well look at it this way you get to enjoy the view back home," Loki said as he pulled out of the parking lot and out on to the street.

"True," Thor said brightly as he pressed his face close to the glass. Loki swore silently to the gods that Thor was never driving again.


End file.
